Should You Stay Home With Your Kids?

Understanding the Emotional—and Financial—Tradeoffs

In a world of two incomes, rising costs, college expenses out the wazoo, and the cultural erosion (or downright mockery) of “the mom at home,” the decision for one parent to stay home with the kids is anything but simple. It can feel like a battlefield—full of emotional tripwires, subtle judgment, and a haunting sense of uncertainty about the future. Even for financial advisors, modeling the long-term impact of a career pause is tough: do you quit completely? Step back for 5 years? Go part-time? And what about that hazy idea of retiring at 50—do you even want that? Or do you just want a life that feels balanced and meaningful?

This decision often starts in the gut, not the spreadsheet. Maybe after another tired post-bedtime conversation. Maybe when you realize you’ve only seen your kids for two rushed hours all day. You’re not alone.

Let’s walk through a grounded, grace-filled framework to process this big decision. One that combines emotional truth, financial clarity, and real-life experience.

The Emotional Drive

The reasons you’re even reading this likely aren’t financial. They’re emotional. Maybe spiritual. You want to make the most of these years—what some call the “golden years” of parenting. You want to be the one who hears their first words, not the daycare provider. You want to be there when they’re sick, when they ask tough questions, or when they just need a hug that isn’t rushed.

You’re starting to feel like you’re just getting them up in the morning and putting them to bed at night. The rest of the time? You’re commuting, working, stressing, and someone else is doing the raising. And that just doesn’t sit right with you.

That sets the emotional stage—but the financial stage is no less important.

The Financial Costs of Staying Home

1. Your Salary Disappears

(But Not All of It)

It’s easy to panic and subtract your full salary from the budget. But that’s not the whole story.

You lose take-home pay, not gross. And when you stop working, you also stop spending on:

• Daycare
• Gas and commuting
• Work clothes and dry cleaning
• Fast food lunches
• After-work impulse buys

In some cases, staying home adds back as much value as it takes away. Run the real numbers—not just the emotional ones.

2. Retirement Savings Pauses

This is one of the biggest long-term hits.

• No more 401(k) contributions
• No more employer match
• No more compounding growth

It creates a gap—but it’s not irreversible.

You can still:

• Open and fund a spousal IRA
• Maximize the working spouse’s 401(k)
• Build a plan to restart saving when you return to work

The gap only becomes permanent if you don’t plan for it.

3. Health Insurance Becomes a Wild Card

If your job came with affordable group coverage, losing that benefit can sting.

But the ACA offers income-based subsidies.

For example: A family of four earning under $90,000 might pay about $540/month for a mid-tier plan.

Not cheap—but often manageable. And usually less than COBRA.

4. Your Future Goals May Shift

Can you still retire at 55? Maybe not.

But could you retire at 62 instead— with a decade of extra time spent with your kids?

That’s the tradeoff.

The key is to make that shift on purpose, not because you failed to plan for it.

The Financial Benefits of Staying Home

1. You Eliminate Daycare Costs

For many families, this is the biggest game-changer.

Daycare can devour a second income—sometimes leaving just a few hundred dollars a month after taxes, insurance, and childcare are factored in.

If one parent is working only to cover daycare and healthcare, you might already be financially better off staying home—especially if you can secure affordable insurance on your own.

ACA subsidies might surprise you. For example, a family of four earning under $90,000 could qualify for a mid-tier plan at around $540/month.

That’s not free—but it softens the blow. And it matters.

2. Your Work-Related Spending Disappears

• Gas.
• Work clothes.
• Fast food lunches.
• The $6 latte that gets you through another Tuesday.
• All of that? Gone.

When you stop working outside the home, the cost of sustaining your job disappears. Many families find hundreds of dollars per month go toward keeping up a working lifestyle.

And let’s not forget about stress spending. Less work stress = less “retail therapy.”

3. Your Taxes May Drop

Lower household income = lower marginal tax bracket. That means more of what you keep stays in your pocket.

A lower Modified Adjusted Gross Income (MAGI) can also unlock:

• Enhanced Child Tax Credits
• Bigger ACA subsidies
• Other credits you may have previously phased out of

4. Homeschooling May Offer Additional Tax Benefits

Planning to homeschool? Some states offer real tax relief:

• Minnesota: Deduction up to $2,500 per child (grades 7–12)
• Ohio: Credit up to $250 per child
• Indiana, Illinois, Louisiana, North Carolina: Varying state-level support
• Colorado, Oklahoma: Even refundable credits in some cases

Check your state’s tax code—you might be leaving money on the table.

In Wisconsin? These benefits don’t apply. But the avoided daycare costs and reduced lifestyle inflation may still make the math work.

5. You Gain More Time to Manage Finances

This one’s underrated.

When you’re not juggling full-time work, you gain something else: mental bandwidth.

• Time to build (and stick to) a real budget
• Time to meal prep instead of grabbing takeout
• Time to plan purchases, shop intentionally, and avoid last-minute expenses

Many families find that when one spouse stays home, they actually become more financially efficient—not less.

Evaluating the Decision to Stay Home with Your Kids

This isn’t a gut-check or a spreadsheet-only exercise. It’s both. Here’s a simple process:

Step 1: Get Clear on the Emotional Why

Is it time, presence, calling, peace of mind? Name the non-financial driver that’s making you consider this.

Step 2: Calculate the Real Net Cost

• Start with net income (not gross).
• Subtract work-related costs (daycare, gas, etc.).
• Add potential new expenses (health insurance).
• Consider tax changes.

You might find the tradeoff isn’t as extreme as it seems.

Step 3: Check Your Long-Term Plan

• Adjust your retirement target if needed.
• Consider part-time reentry or future side income.
• Get help modeling the future—this is where a good advisor matters.

Step 4: Build a Support Structure

• Plug into community: small groups, moms’ groups, church.
• Schedule time for rest and growth.
• Create rhythms that prevent burnout.

Consider this Perspective—Just for a Minute

Everyone says it:

“These are the years that matter most.”
But… are they?

Are there really certain years of your child’s life that are inherently more valuable than others?

What if, on the track you were on, you could have:

• Fully funded college
• Retired at 50
• Spent the next 15 years traveling the world—with your kids

Would giving that up really be worth stepping out of the workforce for 10–15 years—especially knowing they’ll be in school for most of it?

How much of that time is truly meaningful? And how much of it is just maintenance?

A Note to the Working Spouse: It’s Time to Kick It Into Gear

If your spouse is stepping back to care for the kids, that means it’s your time to step forward.

No more hoping to get noticed.

No more coasting through the day.

The family is counting on you now—this is your moment to rise.

• Is there a promotion on the table? Go get it.
• Haven’t negotiated your salary in a while? Start the conversation.
• Sales calls feel endless and exhausting? Pick up the phone anyway.

Grind. Push. Deliver.

Just like those stories of moms lifting minivans off their kids in a burst of adrenaline—this is your version of that moment.

You don’t have to be perfect. But you do have to be engaged.

Your spouse isn’t just giving up a paycheck. They’re trading away career momentum. Adult interaction. Personal ambition.

The least you can do is return the favor. With intentionality, focus, and effort at work.

• Your effort creates breathing room.
• Your wins buy time.
• Your leadership—at home and in your career—is what makes this whole decision sustainable

Final Takeaway: Know the Tradeoffs. Own the Decision.

There’s no perfect answer. Every option comes with tradeoffs.

You could stay home and feel lonely. You could keep working and feel disconnected.

You could retire early with savings but regret missing these years. You could stay home and never fully “catch up” financially.

But the best outcomes don’t come from fear. They come from clarity.

• Know your values.
• Understand the math.
• Talk through the tension with your spouse.
• And choose the life you actually want.

The goal isn’t to win an argument. The goal is to build a life—together—that you won’t regret.

If that means pausing your career for a few years to pour into your kids, then do it on purpose.

If it means staying in the workforce to build long-term security, then do that on purpose too.

But don’t drift. Don’t numb out. Don’t let fear or outside pressure make the decision for you.

Know the tradeoffs. Own the decision. And build the life you believe in.